Grit, Grace, Gratitude and Glory

On the first day of the chemical engineering board exam, I slipped and hit the back of my head on the floor tiles while I was taking a bath. I made a loud thud, and eventually the impact made me break a nearby plastic pail. My broken pail was the least of my problems. I consider that day one of my lucky days, but while it didn't evolve into anything serious, I had to endure the vertigo that came with the impact during the exam.

The adrenaline from the fall made me numb for a short period of time. The only way I could cope with the fact that I was almost seriously injured, was to periodically take deep breaths, put on a brave face and tint my lips bold red. All the while people dressed in black and white shuffled around the venue in their panicked faces, trying to remember the things they learned the night before or several nights before. I couldn't blame them, everyone wanted to pass, and so did I.

Rewind six to seven years ago, I was crying to a dear friend of mine outside the gates of a church. It was only going to be a few days before I would be sent off to Cebu to enroll in chemical engineering.  By then, I already heard about the reputation of that prestigious program, and I didn't like it. Call me a wuss (I probably was), because I cried out of fear of being in college, especially on my fear of being unable to survive the said program. 

Now that I look back, the memories of the girl I was six to seven years ago, crying outside the gates of a church was so vivid, it was as if it was only yesterday. Who knew that the day  would come when I would walk down the graduation aisle, who knew that I would walk with a medal around my neck and both my parents by my side, and who knew that my name would be listed down as one of the passers in the chemical engineering board exam of May, 2019?

While a lot of people say that it was sort of expected, I'd like to think I arrived where I am because of miracles, but not the type of miracles you would expect. When people talk about miracles these days, they mean it as something highly desirable that was given to them out of thin air -- but no, my faith doesn't reside in those types of miracles. I believe in the type of miracles you work your ass for.

Six to seven years ago, if I was by one percent less courageous than I was back then, I would have chosen to deviate from this path, I would have chosen not to drink from this cup, and I would not be the same person I would be right now.

I made several choices and paid its consequences. Some of them led to mountain tops and some led  to chasms, some led to open doors, and some to brick walls. Rest assured, I have never regretted any of my decisions. These days I just spend my days doing my best to not take each moment for granted and to not take people for granted.

My thesis mates and I in one of our sit-down meetings

Anne from zarinsbeautylab, Gail from thegaillery and I in one of our girl party sessions

Grit has taught me to work, persevere and embrace the mundane. It has taught me to hope for better things and a brighter tomorrow, despite facing a bleak outlook. Grit has taught me to take charge of my life and be disciplined enough to stay committed in my lane even when there were times I felt like cowering. Although my relationship with grit was an inconsistent one, the love-hate relationship I had with it for six years taught me how much I needed it to get one foot after another.

Grace has taught me humility and the universal truth that I cannot rely on my own strength for the rest of my life. There are times when I need grace to get me through bitter days, days when I lack vitality to even want to wake up and face life. Grace has taught me to trust in the Lord, to trust in the Universe and the hope that everything would fall in to place just as it did when it felt like the world was falling apart.

Gratitude has taught me to appreciate everything including the suffering which contributed to my growth and to appreciate the people involved in it -- mentors, sponsors, panelists, critics, cheerleaders, team mates and most importantly, the audience and spectators, because without the participation of these people, my growth would not be possible. Without mentors, I would not be guided; without sponsors, I would not have the resources, without my critics, I would stay stagnant and mediocre, and without an audience, I would not have anyone to help me hold myself accountable. Confessions of A Protean Creator would not be possible and this version of Roxanne Marie Lomotos would not exist.

When all that's said and done, I got to experience the glory that came after finishing a milestone. I will let my days in the sun at the moment be a time to be thankful, for I know that this is victory is not only my own and to reward myself the rest I need to prepare for another chapter in my life where my sense of grit, grace and gratefulness will be once again put to the test.


To growth everyone! 💫