When You Don't Know Your Center

I read a tweet once and it went like this:

"The right person wouldn't hurt you."
No. The right person will sometimes offend you, disappoint you or fail you. If you base a relationship on the amount of happiness you get, no relationship can qualify for that.

The tweet struck me hard because it highly spoke to me at a different level based on my experiences. No perfect relationship exists and you would be crazy looking for one. Behind every instagrammable couple photo are two people who have gone through immense struggle to hold on to each other. People who have climbed several mountains in order to make the other person stay. But what if all the effort, the mountains you climbed, the hugot you've experienced along the way isn't enough? Is it necessary to stay in a relationship that makes you struggle like that?

What if all the effort that you placed in the relationship are overshadowed by something more sinister and evil, that it seems no amount of love can overcome this big of a shadow? It's very easy to believe in the line that love is all you need. But when in the heat of the argument is already making you slip away from sound judgement and the partner you want to understand and show love to, is spewing out curses, being mean and making absolutely no sense at all, when can you say that enough is enough? That you need to let go? That you need to stop for a while and think, am I strong enough for this?

Yes, you love each other and you want to be with the other person so bad that it bleeds every time you don't hear from them for some time. It scares you thinking at night that someday they'll be gone and nothing about life will ever seem to be as good anymore. 

However, if you are feeling this way, it would seem at this point that your partner has become the center of your universe. Your mood and how you are at this moment has become highly dependent on your partner and your relationship with him or her. Sad to say, this isn't a very healthy way to be in a relationship. Your partner is not the center of your universe, he or she is only a part of it.

Identifying this becomes increasingly hard especially if you haven't established your center yet. Making anyone or anything your center of your universe means that you are giving immense power to this entity to affect you in ways you could never imagine. 

Like let's say from a huge fight with this person (who is your center of the universe) and he or she has spat out some hurtful words in the process "You never do your role in this relationship!" "This is the nth time you did this to me, why won't you ever learn?" "You never listen to me!". While the other person is also partly at fault if he or she had said these (because saying these things are wrong and that the other party is also exaggerating and being insensitive) and never apologized for them, the next thing you know, you had allowed these words to seep into your emotional health and damage your sense of self-worth, self-esteem and everything that you originally had thought was good in yourself.

If you make someone your center, especially if it's someone unstable, the chances are you will be damaged in the process. You will question your significance in your relationship with this person and it will affect how you view yourself, and your physical, emotional and mental well-being. 

The center of your universe should be something or someone who you want to dedicate your life to, or inspire you to become the best version of yourself. This is why people engage themselves in their beliefs and religion. They make the entities that they worship the center of their universe because they help these people grow in to better versions of themselves and make them internally happy as well. It can be reflected by how these people treat everyone around them. I'm not saying it's not possible but evidently it's no good if you allow existing people to be your center, because while they may be inherently good people, they are still prone to human error.

Now, it's really up to you.

Have you established your center?