Behavior Reinforcement - A Genius Mom's Tactic

A month ago, my mom was seeing a recurring problem around the house: every time someone uses the toilet, the filth would be left unflushed, the toilet lid would be still up and the comfort room door open. For her, it was a pretty huge deal because our comfort room was directly opposite to the dining room where we'd have our meals, but of course for us, we didn't care much or else my mom wouldn't have scolded us about it. She tried another tactic up her mom-sleeve by placing a sign on the wall of the CR which didn't work because my brothers and I don't really read signs.

After several weeks, the problem was solved. How? My genius mom regularly stays in the living room which was in the same space as the dining room and just calmly asks each person stepping out of the CR to go back and check if they flushed the toilet, refilled the water basin, closed the toilet lid and closed the comfort room door. At first, it was very annoying. I noticed that I go in and out of the CR in such a hurry that I keep forgetting to put the toilet lid down and exit the CR with the door closed. But my mom, instead of taking our shortcomings personally, just affirmatively reminds us to go back and check if we did all the necessary steps. Eventually, even without us noticing, my brothers and I began to do the post-CR use duties all on our own and (with confidence) tell our mom that we already did it (after of 4-5 weeks worth of CR time) the moment that she starts reminding us.

Looking back, I thought about how many behavior reinforcement tactics I've gone through, and how often they've failed because the reinforcer keeps taking the reinforcee's mistakes personally. Instead of being encouraging and supportive, I was instead manipulated into doing things through guilt tripping, power tripping and intimidation. At first, I thought that these things only occur frequently at school, that I began to think how a miracle it is that students from our university don't go crazy with this kind of treatment. Eventually, over time, I began to realize that it doesn't only happen in school, it happens at home, in our relationships, in friendships, from the very same people we confide to. 

Take note that it's not an easy thing to deal with. From what I read, negative reinforcement is good if you want something done fast, but the downside is, the lesson might not stick that readily. Sure it might stick well after several pounding on it with a hammer of harsh words and derogatory comments but a tendency might form that the person will be discouraged to try again, which is not good because people need to try again and again in order to improve. If they are guilt-tripped and attacked every time they fail, they'll start feeling stupid and begin to doubt their own credibility for not being able to do what the other person is asking them to do and will eventually quit. 

You can't blame them as well because they already are feeling like a failure and a disappointment, based on the treatment they're receiving. They feel like they're a loser that doesn't deserve love, affection  and respect anymore unless they are able to give you what you want (Gee, don't you guys wonder why a lot of bitter students leave the school and never come back?).

If you want to be a good teacher and reinforcer, bullying and 'tough love' are not the best ways to start. Sure, negative reinforcement helps, but only for a time. In the long run, it won't help them grow and gain the confidence they need if you don't also acknowledge their efforts and congratulate them for the things they did right. Be patient. Some lessons take a decade to accomplish and master and they are as equally rewarding as a hard-earned college degree, even more.

Negative reinforcement isn't bad because it also wakes the reinforcee up to step up their game, to be better, to be tougher. Negative reinforcement is actually beneficial as long as it's done properly alongside positive reinforcement. It's just that, just because the mistakes are easier to see doesn't mean that the things done right should be left underappreciated.

Now you've got my two cents on reinforcement. Let's all do better next time.